Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
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