Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Randomize
