i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
I fill condoms, not promises.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
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