Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
Randomize
