I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
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