did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Randomize
