i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
Randomize
