Yeah....I really appreciate it....I didn't even get it from hooking up....lame, atleast if a girl gets u sick when u r hooking up it was fun in its inception...
You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
Randomize
