I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
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