Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
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