i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
I need to align my fucking chakras
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Randomize
