I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
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The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
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How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
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