i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
