I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
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