I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
