If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
Randomize
