Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
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