I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Randomize
