I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
Randomize
