We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
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I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
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I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
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