just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
