i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
