Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
Randomize
