who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
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So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
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do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
Randomize