Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
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