Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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