oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
