Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
They took my balls.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
