just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
