I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Randomize
