There is no way he is gay with that hair.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
i came on her dog
I wish there were birth control emojis
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
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