was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
