what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
