So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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