weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
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