She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Randomize
