My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
