a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Randomize
