Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
did you just send me my own nude
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
Randomize
