I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Randomize
