8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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