I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
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