I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
