Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
someone owes me an orgasm
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
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