"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
Randomize
