Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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