my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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