Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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