Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
