Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
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