i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
Randomize
