So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
Randomize
