I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
Randomize
