I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
