and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Randomize
