If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Randomize
