ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
