she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
Randomize
