This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
