Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
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