I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
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