i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
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