When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Randomize
