I'm drive I can fine osifer
Swine flu is the new snow day.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
