Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
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