Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Randomize
