I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
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