There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
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