he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
You are a booty call, not a friend.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
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