Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Randomize