Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
