The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
Randomize
