I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
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She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
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