I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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