I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
