I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
These 19 Guys Hit The Cougar Jackpot
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
35 Disappointing People Who Failed At Sexting
You're a waste of cheezeits
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing