I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
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he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
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Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.