Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
These 23 People Prove You Don’t Have To Be A 10 To Be Good In Bed
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
21 People That Had The Worst Birthdays Imaginable
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag