I heard we made out
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.