id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
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