Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
So much rum. So many feels.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...