She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
