i just had sex bonerless
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
