Where are you?
In a non slutty way
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
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Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
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