Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize