she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
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she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
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New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.