That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
We are all done wearing pants today
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.